it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
