Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
