how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
