Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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