Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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