He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
