I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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