Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
