mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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