nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
