Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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