I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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