Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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