Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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