She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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