My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
