i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
