we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
