I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She swung at the pinata with crutches
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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