never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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