Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Watching her eat just hurts me
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
