Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
