closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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