if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
