also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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