Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
