Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
and she was petting her beer can
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
