They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
