last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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