I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
