Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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