Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
