5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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