That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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