So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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