I just threw up on my dentist
Sober January is a disaster.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
