I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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