its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
