the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
