moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
