why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We need to rekindle our bromance
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
