And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Church boner. Awkwardddd
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
