if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
