Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
what day is it and did you see me today?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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