I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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