Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
