you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I wish I only lived at night.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
