I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
