Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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