Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
