My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
love makes seman taste better
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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