We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
