and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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