I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
