Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
