U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
