I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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