we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
