tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
