did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
just found out that she named her cat after me.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
