Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
