he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
