I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
