perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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