hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
