May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
